The Emotionless Man…..

How do you express your emotions? Well this many depend on whether or not you are a man or a woman. There seems to be this ongoing debate between men and women, and among women that men are emotionless, quite often women are witnessed saying things like “he just shuts down” or “he doesn’t show emotion.” Well there are many different ways to show emotion. It appears that God made men and women differently for specific purposes. One way in which men and women differ is the manner in which they express emotions.

Women seem to be under the misconception that men should express themselves in the same manner in which they do. This couldn’t be further from the truth, men have the God-given right to express their emotions in whatever manner they see fit. When thinking about emotions, it is important to remember that this varies with the individual, emotional expression may be based on past and present experiences, such as family upbringing, abuse, culture, and religion.

Perhaps if someone is not expressing their emotions in a manner that is conducive to your personal needs then maybe you are in a relationship with the wrong person, or maybe you need to be more flexible and understanding.  Also, it is important to remember that it is sometimes unreasonable to force others to change the way they express themselves, simply for personal gain.

Women, unfortunately can sometimes wear their emotions on their sleeves, this can be good and bad depending on the situation. God made women visibly emotional because  we were made to be caregivers and bearers of children (just one reason). Think about how most individuals learn to love and express affection, it starts with the mother. However, it is important to remember that men are not cold and emotionless human beings, in general. Some people are cold and do not express their emotions but both men and women can be the product of this. Having a difficult time expressing emotions is not solely a male issue there are women who have this issue as well. Often, when we do not like the way someone is expressing their emotion we tend to say that they have issues expressing their feelings, but maybe they are just expressing their feelings in a way that we do not like or understand, which doesn’t mean they are wrong.

So to say that men do not have or express emotions, is inaccurate, men and women are different as they are supposed to be. Often men can be seen expressing emotions in the following manner and situations.

  1. During sporting events, many men have expressed happiness, sadness, frustration, and anger. Many coaches and players display an array of emotions on the football field and basketball court. Many men can be seen crying when they lose an NBA championship, or the first round of the play offs. Men definitely cry when they are injured during sports, try shutting down when you have a fractured bone or a sprained anything….
  2. Men definitely show emotion when they witness the birth of their children.
  3. Men show emotion on their wedding day, when they see the woman of their dreams walking down the aisle.
  4. Men show emotion when they witness their sons passing the threshold of moving from boy to man.
  5. Men show emotion at funerals.
  6. Men show emotion during heated conversations/fights with their spouses or enemies.
  7. Men show emotion when they cannot find employment, and are frustrated when they cannot provide for their families.
  8. Men show emotion when the woman they love is in pain or bothered by something.
  9. Men show emotion when they see their dreams crash in front of their face.
  10. Men show emotion when their marriages fail and they have to get a divorce.
  11. Men show emotion when they accomplish their goals.
  12. Men show emotion when they see an old friend, that they have not seen in a long time.
  13. Men show emotion when they realize that their actions have caused pain for others.
  14. Men show emotion when they have broken hearts.
  15. Men always show emotion when they hold their babies in their arms.
  16. Men show emotion when their children are taken away.
  17. Men show emotion when they are fired from a job.
  18. Men show emotion when their trust has been violated.
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Selfish Tendencies……..

Selfish tendencies in all relationships can be a major problem because selfishness promotes individualistic thinking. In order for relationships to grow selfishness must die. Selfishness can come in many different forms in all sorts of relationships: parent/child, intimate, work, and spiritual relationships just to name a few. When a person is selfish they tend to think of themselves only at the cost of others, meaning that although their actions seem to affect others directly they continue on regardless. Selfish people tend to be so focused on their needs and wants that they refuse to think about the ramifications of how their actions will affect others. So how do you know if you have selfish tendencies?……Well hopefully the following will assist:

  1. Spouses: can be selfish when they only think of themselves, making social arrangements without inviting their spouse. Many incidents of infidelity are based in selfishness in that an individual has decided to fulfill their selfish need outside of the marriage. When couples do not ask or consider the other’s opinions, for instance always picking the restaurant or the movie without consulting with their husband or wife. During sex, men and sometimes women are often selfish when they are only concerned with having an orgasm and do not work to make sure their partner has an orgasm or is completely satisfied as well. When one person wants to control and spend all of the money without consulting the other party. When couples do not say thank you for all the little things that their spouse does on a daily basis, such as cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash etc. When spouses do not recognize when their partner is overwhelmed.
  2. Parents: can be selfish when they put their love lives before their children, many single parents spend a lot of time engaging in uncommitted, destructive, abusive, and painful relationships. The children are left to witness their parents spiral out of control, chasing love from relationship to relationship. Parents who put their careers before their children by working excessively and leaving their children alone or to be cared for by strangers in daycare centers from 6am to 6pm  or longer (depending on the situation, some parents don’t have a choice). This does not leave a lot of time for bonding and care-taking by the parents. But for many mothers the thought never occurs to them to stay home and care for their young children, that they desperately wanted, and worked hard to create.
  3. Spiritual selfishness: develops when individuals only pray in times of turmoil or emergency. When God is an afterthought then selfishness has occurred. When every prayer is simply for asking for something as opposed to quality time with God where appreciation and thanksgiving is allowed to develop. When individuals only attend church on major holidays such as Easter or when there is some sort of major church celebration.
  4. Friendships: where the relationship is one-sided, people who call simply to borrow something, to share good news (brag) or to extract some sort of information from a friend. This type of friendship is not reciprocal, there is no give and take, only take.

The good thing about selfishness is that it is not a life sentence, it can be easily remedied with just a few steps. The other good thing about selfishness is that if you determine you are selfish, you are not alone, most people are selfish in some manner (including myself). The key is identifying ways in which you are selfish and working to change. First, sit and have some quiet time to journal and probe your life for selfishness, see if you fit in any of the above categories. Next, ask your love ones if there are times when they notice selfishness in you, this is not an opportunity for your to defend yourself or confront someone else. This is a time for you to listen and learn, and thank them for their honesty. Next, begin to pray and ask God to help you overcome your selfish tendencies. Something that works well in getting the ball rolling is volunteering to help someone who is in need, search your community and find a church or organization that needs your help. Lastly, give without expectation, help and give to others without expecting something in return, not even a thank you. If you are truly giving from the heart, then you are not expecting to be recognized or to have the action reciprocated.