Three-some? You, Me, and Social Media

Many of you are experiencing a third party in your relationship. Every time you ignore your mate to check your social media feed or to update your status, you might be guilty of allowing others into your relationship.

Here are the top 10 ways social media may be destructive to your relationship:

  1. Spending more time on social media than you do communicating with your mate.
  2. Changing your relationship status after a fight with your mate.
  3. Connecting with ex boyfriends or girlfriends.
  4. Complaining about others social media post.
  5. Accepting friend requests from people you donโ€™t know.
  6. Sharing relationship problems on social media.
  7. Arguing on social media.
  8. Sharing private relationship information.
  9. Overtly flirting with others.
  10. Posting inappropriate pictures.

Learn how to protect your relationship, attend the webinar Couples and Social Media

Couples Unplug From Social Media and Engage

With the expansion of technology it often becomes difficult to balance work, intimate, and social relationships. Often couples argue about how much time one or the other spends on social media or other phone distractions. Well, how does one know if they are spending too much time on social media sites? If you answer yes to five or more of the questions below then you might have a problem with social media, and you might need to unplug and engage in direct communication and quality time with your partner or spouse.

  1. Does your spouse or partner complain that you spend too much time on your phone or on social media sites?
  2. Does your spouse or partner become angry when you are on social media?
  3. Do you check your social media during dates or other outings?
  4. Do you check your social media as the first task in the morning? Before talking to your spouse or partner?
  5. Do other friends or family members complain about your social media use?
  6. Do you check your social media at work or school?
  7. Do you post your every thought or move on social media?
  8. Do you spend more hours on social media than you do talking to your spouse or partner?
  9. Do you check your social media in secret such as stepping away from others to avoid them knowing (checking while in the bathroom)?
  10. Do you check your social media in the car instead of talking to your spouse or partner?

If you answered YES to five or more of the questions above then you might need assistance. ย To receive my free social media and relationship report complete the form below.

Why PreMarital Counseling?

I believe that couples should spend as much time designing/planning their marriage as they do planning their wedding. When it comes to marriage many couples are resistant to the idea of premarital counseling. Here are a few benefits of premarital counseling.

  1. Premarital counseling provides an opportunity to improve communication
  2. Premarital counseling allows the couple time to explore specific marriage wishes and deal breakers
  3. Premarital counseling will help couples understand marital expectations
  4. Premarital counseling provides couples with the tools to create boundaries with those outside of the relationship
  5. Premarital counseling provides insight into personality and behavior traits that may not have been identified prior
  6. Premarital counseling will help couples understand, accept, and explore differences in their personalities
  7. Premarital counseling identifies growth areas for the couple
  8. Premarital counseling can help a couple determine if they are good candidates for marriage with each other
  9. Premarital counseling will help couples understand the family they are marrying into
  10. Premarital counseling will help couples identify why they want to marry

If you are engaged and your partner does not want to participate in premarital counseling, then you might want to reconsider getting married. If you think that you cannot afford premarital counseling then you might want to delay your wedding, because counseling is far more important than guest lists and dresses.

For more information listen to the podcast

Mom You Don’t Have The Right (a child’s voice)

Mom you don’t have a right to bring me into a world and not prepare a place for me

Mom you don’t have a right to mistreat and resent me because you don’t like my father

Mom you don’t have a right to drag me from dysfunctional relationship to relationship looking for a love to satisfy your heart

Mom you don’t have a right to put me in harms way

Mom you don’t have a right to pawn me off on others to raise (grandparents, daycare, friends) so that you can work or party or because you don’t want to be bothered

Mom you don’t have the right to sacrifice me for drugs and alcohol

Mom you don’t have the right to remarry without considering how I would be affected

Mom you don’t have the right to sleep with so many men that you don’t know who my father is

Mom you don’t have the right to poison my mind against my father

Mom you don’t have the right to have more children than you can afford or have time to raise, leaving me in substandard living conditions

Mom you don’t have the right to love me last

Mom you don’t have the right to be selfish

Mom you don’t have the right to have another baby with another man, and treat my brother or sister better because you like their father the best

Mom you don’t have the right to have strange men living in your home and leave me unattended for them to do to me whatever they desire

Mom you don’t have the right to ignore the fact that the man in your life is abusing me

Mom you don’t have the right to have me, when you have not healed from your childhood trauma, thus inflicting trauma upon me

Mom you don’t have the right to not take your mental health medication, thus making my life an emotional roller coaster

Mom you don’t have the right to ignore me and not teach me and become upset when I allow friends and the streets to teach me

Mom you don’t have the right to go on a television show to find out who my father is, thus letting the world know that I am unwanted and unplanned

Mom you don’t have the right to move me from house to house, thus making it hard to trust and create friendships

Mom you don’t have the right to make me lie or help you lie so that you can receive aid from the government

Mom you don’t have the right to pick and choose when you want to parent

Mom you don’t have the right to allow yourself to be abused in front of me, causing me to worry and live in fear

Mom you don’t have the right to become angry when I become just like you

What is the difference between successful and unsuccessful marriages?

Many people decide to commit to marriage every year, yet as we all know the divorce statistics are at an all time high. What makes some marriages last and others dissolve, sometimes very early; a couple of years or less. Many experts and others in the field would probably have many theories as to why so many marriages end in divorce. Well, I think that several considerations should be mentioned when trying to figure out the marriage dissolution maze. I purpose the following reasons as to why some marriages last and others do not.

Marriages that don’t work:

FIRST: Marriage is forever, at least it used to be. Many couples in today’s world enter marriage with the thought process that if things get “sticky” or if the couple becomes unhappy a divorce is just one legal document away. Marriage is no longer forever!

SECOND: There seems to be this unrealistic belief that marriage brings happiness. This is a touchy subject, many don’t like when I inform them that their spouse is not responsible for their overall happiness. This is a heavy burden to place on another person, to make someone else responsible for their happiness. A spouse can do little things to make you happy and two people can create awesome memories, but at the end of the day true happiness comes from GOD and self. It is each individual person’s responsibility to create a relationship with God and to find out his or her purpose in life, which will lead to happiness. To say that a husband or wife has to make someone else happy takes away individual responsibility. Ideally, only whole and happy people should marry, thereby lessening the pressure that can be put upon a spouse to create happiness.

THIRD: Many people show up in marriage with many wounds; such as past physical and sexual abuse, abandonment issues by parents, trust issues from prior relationships, and mental health issues. All of this can lead to a volatile relationship. Wounded people marry looking for someone to HEAL them.

FOURTH: Many couples are selfish and not willing to work through the hard times. Couples like instant gratification and when they do not get instant gratification they become angry, bitter, and resentful. Most couples spend time crying and talking about how and why they are unhappy instead of investing that time into their relationship.

Marriages that work:

1. Individuals allow selfish needs to die
2. Divorce is not an option simply because someone is unhappy
3. Individuals have a relationship with God
4. Individuals are self-aware and work on healing and solving their issues from the past
5. Individuals understand that they are responsible for their own happiness
6. Individuals are aware of their role in the marriage and execute it daily

Harsh Words or Damaging Words?

When is it ever acceptable to use damaging words? From time to time we all say things that we wished we had not said, but for some people this is a regular occurrence. When two people are in a relationship whether its romantic or familial, conflict will arise, but the use of damaging words should never be acceptable. Sometimes words are not damaging, but they are harsh. There is a difference between harsh and damaging words and both categories have a different consequence or reaction.

For instance, harsh words may be words or statements that are true, but the person on the receiving end doesn’t want to hear or accept the reality of what is being said (denial). Harsh words may include telling someone that they performed poorly. This may seem harsh only because the receiver does not want to hear the truth. Sometimes harshness comes from the manner in which the message is delivered. Perhaps yelling is involved and cursing or name calling. Once hurtful words are said, the focus of the conversation switches from productivity to war and agony. So, how do you know if your words are harsh or damaging? Well hopefully this will help:

Here are some common damaging words:

1. Shut UP
2. You are a piece of crap
3. Stupid
4. You are an idiot
5. Bitch
6. You are worthless

The receiver’s response may also be a clue that the words are damaging:

1. If the receiver begins to cry
2. If the receiver feels attacked
3. If the receiver wants to end the relationship
4. If the receiver complains about your word choice